He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
