Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
