why didn't you poke me back
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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