Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
