And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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