And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
