SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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