he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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