People with herpes should wear stickers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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