so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
