That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize