Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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