Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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