Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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