why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
