so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
