were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
