oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
