super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
