It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
