we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
