omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
