What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
