You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
