The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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