You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
