Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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