How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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