If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
