Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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