I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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