her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
