I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
