You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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