Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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