i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
