remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my vagina is haunted
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
