my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
