Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
