Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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