The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My life is pants optional.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
