Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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