Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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