I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
