You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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