the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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