So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
