Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
