I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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