I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
