Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
