were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
