i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How does it feel to date your dad?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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