I think I am morally bankrupt
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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