so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
