Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
