I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
