she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
