The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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