So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
