So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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