am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
These tits shall not be calmed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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