theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
