I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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