yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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