You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
