We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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