How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
