Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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