I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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