Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
